You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
if all that ever happens for the rest of forever is drinking wine and eating popcorn, ill be okay
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
