im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
i told him he had the best dick i've ever seen. then supposedly i kept repeating "peter piper picked the perfect penis"
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize