Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
The dominoes guy came back thirty mins later to ask me out. I guess he figures if I'm eating pizza alone I must have gotten dumped
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Randomize
