It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Randomize
