Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize