im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Just wrestled a cop. He won my shorts. I won my freedom. In fishnets and army boots. still headed to the party. would appreciate pants, but not necessary.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
