He passed out on the patio with nothing on but his boxers. So we put our beer caps on him. Yeah he woke up with a polka dot sunburn.
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
