And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
this just has baby written all over it
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
so I finished the entire bottle...next thing I know, it's 8 am and I wake up on the fucking beach in the low tide with a family standing about 30 feet from me just staring.
At this point I feel like i'm never going to be sober, and it's frightening
while we were having sex she stopped and said, "god is always watching". Then she started again with no other words said. We were fucked up.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
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