For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
He's the one named Andrew. In his profile picture he is the one on the right in the monkey costume.
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