Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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