i really wish facebook had an app for when you are looking at a chick's photo album, you could just skip to the ones where she and/or her friends are dressed like skanks
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Pretend you're in a taco. That always helps me sleep.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I just want to trace his tattoos with my tongue
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
Randomize
