my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
He asked me where I wanted it. I told him in the condom. He stops mid thrust and says "you're no fun" and then blew. Chivalry is semi dead.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
We smoked a huge blunt and then laid in bed naked eating strawberry shortcake good humor bars. We have the perfect relationship.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
Randomize