Yeah, where have you been?
Clearly not facebooking enough. Sweet jesus.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
All I'm saying is that your next houseguest had better not barge in on me in the shower demanding I wash the stolen dye from his hair. I'm not doing that a second time.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
Well now you know... If you can get over the awkward... The dick is 10 min away.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
