Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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