He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I was grossed out that all their candles smelled like vagina and then I remembered where my fingers had been.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
