I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
The ketchup exploded, and totally splooged his face and the wall. You could see the outline of his head in the wall splatter.
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You kept pointing at me and saying I'm getting chicken parmesan and no one is going to stop me
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Randomize
