Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
I just found our entire wall-to-wall from September 2006 printed out and clipped... it's 49 pages. Blackout me is so considerate of bored-at-work me
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
She walked into the kitchen, said 'we've come to this time of the party,' reached into the bowl of cold spaghetti and shoved a handful in her mouth.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
