we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
hows a nice way to say "yeah i would go to your dorm, but it's snowing and I know you're not going to blow me, so what's the point"?
Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
