9 beers later and she still looks like Gary Busey.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
How big of a disservice to the economy would we be doing if we didn't drink every day holiday break?
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
We found him. He was passed out in a McDonalds booth with at least 6 big Mac wrappers. The employee said he kept yelling that he was in America and had the freedom to have big macs. Fucking Italians...
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
so like
i may have gotten a little bit of blood in the charging port of my phone
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
