Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
you would pick up someone in the library
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
Randomize