Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
