you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
When I left you were in the shower in your socks throwing up screaming it was blood but it was "ok" cuz it's recyclable. By the way it was kool aid.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
