he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
