Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
