I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
I just ate nachos topless with a fork. Live with meeee
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
It's his sex noise. "I'm gonna cu-THE LORD IS MY SHEPARD AND I SHALL NOT WANT"
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
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