my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Are my feet made of real feet?
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I got drunk off three vodka cranberry’s and told him to “WWE raw dog me.” Fucking kill me.
Randomize
