you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Actions speak louder than pants.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
The cops high fived after they tackled you
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize