im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
That hot guy i showed you guessed my exact bra size. I want to have his tan babies.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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