but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
Selling Girl Scout Cookies outside bars for higher than retail value has got to be the most profitable idea. Ever.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You told me my blanket felt like ground beef.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
Randomize
