This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Well I talked to some Canadians today, and I'm keeping a vigilant watch for sharks, so I'm pretty booked up.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize