if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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