I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
ps I'm eating candy off our sex sheets. gotta say the only thing better than sweet tarts is sweet tarts with a hint of sex. perfect post vday situation
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
found my cat trying to steal a lighter to hide away for himself. cat what are you doing. don't pocket my lighter.
Randomize