I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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