once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
This may sound strange but do you have my pants?
You tried to trade them for some girls skirt... So she has them...
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