just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
The last two calls in my phone are dominos and 911. I'm not sure how my night went.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
I just spontaneously learned how to embroider at three in the morning.
I also almost burned the house down in the process. Don't ask me how. It's a long story.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
Randomize
