I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
