Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
then again I'm sitting on a tree stump completely naked in the dark listening to some type of glee soundtrack.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Never thought I'd say this but I just want to go home, ice my balls, and pop a Vicodin.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
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