You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
handjob tips. give me some.
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
