mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
my phone needs a breathalizer
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
