remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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