I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
I said I hate kids.This dude said he will sell his children to go on a date with me.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
