the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
If I get really high and watch Beauty and The Beast on our Netflx account, will you judge me?
Only if you start before I get home!
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
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