I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
i threw up in his kitchen sink and then used a measuring cup to drink water because i couldn't find a clean glass. i just threw up down the stairs. it's gonna be a long walk home.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
her cat watched me eat her out... I would use the alternate term for both of those things but it's too weird.
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Crap I still need to get you a wedding gift. I'm just gonna give you a bag full of cash, lube, and condoms. And I'll use furry handcuffs instead of ribbon to tie the gift bag handles together.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
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