Apparently on the way out of the ER i asked the nurse to doggie-bag me some more morphine.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
I am never taking advice from you again. The high heels in the shower were a bad idea. I orgasmed and almost drowned.
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
It was a great party. People were literally still doing shots and playing drunk Jenga at 6am...
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
Randomize
