first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
