Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Randomize
