I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
SOME GIRL GOT MAGGOTS IN HER COOCH FROM EXPERIMENTING WITH MAYO!
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Nothing says girls night like wine cheese and pregnancy tests 😂
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