At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Sorry, I was trapped in a small closet behind a washer. What's up?
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Don’t fucking talk to that dude from monday!! Ethical consumption dude, don’t fuck shitty guys
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
Randomize
