I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
You got the whole drunk bus to sing, "In The Jungle" while conducting with your glowsticks.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
At Target. Everyone is stocking up on food and flashlights for this storm. I stocked up on beer. Dont judge me, it was on sale...
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