thus making me awesome and them whores
Just passed a sign for an "adult food and fuel superstore". Wtf does that even mean?
im not sure but a few things come to mind which just makes me giggle
Guys should not giggle. Ever.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
