I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
Randomize
