I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
If you get any calls give me a heads up. Im drinking rum in my underwear on the back porch.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Pro: 2020 made it easier to hook up with strippers
Con: explaining to Kari why there’s always strippers at our house
Pro: there’s always strippers at our house
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