I totes stole your whore crown.
With great power comes great responsibility.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
A girl just told me she printed out my pictures and taped them on her wall. I have to stop sleeping with virgins.
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just fantasized about my boss's fingers in a meeting. I desperately need to get some.
Randomize
