my soul wont recognize me after tonight
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
