next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
He saved that picture of my boobs for good luck romance still exists
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Randomize
