she used her cellphone as a light to find my clit under the sheets. worst.lesbian.ever.
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
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