Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
she looked like the before picture.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Well I didn't get a shacker shirt but I somehow managed to come home with superman socks
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
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