The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
i had to cut you off after you shoved a bunch of bottle caps in your mouth and pretended you had braces.
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize