In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
"Fwd: Nice to meet you last night thanks for the tit flash" no recollec. i am officially banned from wearing tube tops to the bar.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
