I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
What the fuck was I thinking eating an entire tub of potato salad on acid. My stomach today bro
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