Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
It looks like I jerked off a rainbow.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
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