$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
After waking up today, I would like to find the Jesus preachers on campus to ask for help in asking for forgiveness to God.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
Randomize
