did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
We just got home a lil bit ago. No sorority girls showed except the ugly swimmer chick and she asked if I've ever faked an orgasm.
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
