your thong is hanging out like whoa
So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
how much boxed wine can one drink before work in a couple of hours?
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
