So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
So I thought I was doing pretty good and then I sneezed and prematurely ejaculated...
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Then you guys just all showered together...?
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
