watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
UPDATE: lighting the grill with Bacardi. Haven't slept. Forgot the hamburger buns. Almost out of our eighth handle.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
I don't get promposals. When I asked my date I was so drunk I couldn't lift my head. Then I puked on my lawn after he said "ok whatever". That's romance
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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