yeah. you were just sitting there watching transformers, caressing your toaster.
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
You're lucky I'm holding your vagina in my best interests
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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