She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I'm cheerleading for traffic. people are staring. Why am i the only high person on the way to class?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
TONGUES ARE JUST MEAT TENTACLES IN OUR MOUTHS OMG
HOW ABOUT I DON'T WAKE UP TO THESE TYPES OF TEXTS
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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