we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Ever have those mornings where you just can't wait to puke in the shower?
she found out just an hour ago that she might have cervical cancer. either way we're watching 50/50 and taking a shot of patron anytime anyone says cancer.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Were you seriously humming twinkle twinkle little star while cupping my balls?
THEY DIDN'T THROW MY PORN AWAY!!!!
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
