i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
