you guys were way drunker than both of me
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
The boat wouldn't start, so we brought it back to her house and we've been sitting in it in her driveway for the past 5 hours drinking beer and yelling at peoplee.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
Jesus fuck. I just hit on him in front of the whole fire department. They hit the sirens and told us to get a room. FML. I can never go back to that fire station again...
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
