in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I'm not a pervert.. I just like to be naked...
Well i tried snorting sugar. so either that made me puke or the fact that i drank water from a fish tank
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
Randomize
