You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
He's married, a coworker, and a smoker. not sure which personal rule broken i'm most ashamed of...
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Once I hang curtains in my truck bed that'll be feasible
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
Wearing my one sleeve dress...thought you'd like to know I shaved ONE armpit lol
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
